


I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling

by hopingforlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Louis misses harry, Love, M/M, Making Up, Pain, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Sad Louis, larry is real, larry stylinson - Freeform, madrid concert, one direction - Freeform, we're getting so much proof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 15:44:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20677871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforlarry/pseuds/hopingforlarry
Summary: "I heard your songs." Harry breaks the silence. "I saw the videos... You were really brave, Lou, you're so brave. I'm so proud of you."And, of course, Louis breaks down again. It must sound stupid, but this last phrase was the only thing he's ever wanted to hear from Harry and he never did. At least not in this way.orAfter Louis' performance in Madrid on the 14th of September, he waits desperately for a call in hope he can fix the things he broke about 2 years ago. When he does get the call, it's not what he expected, but maybe that's even better.





	I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii,
> 
> I’m Fern and I love writing and I hope you love my writing. :P
> 
> I’m on twitter as @larrydelicate
> 
> xxx enjoy

It’s 2:30am when Louis gets the call.

Louis feels like he should probably pretend he didn’t keep his phone next to him since he arrived at the hotel after the concert. He feels like maybe he should take a while to pick up just to pretend he wasn’t praying to God for a call. Just one call. 

But it all happens too fast.

Louis stares at the screen and his heart shrinks a little. The screen reads “H” as it’s been since a week after Louis broke it off with him. And that was about two years ago. He feels his palms sweating and his heart beating like it’s about to jump out of his chest.

The picture he added to the contact isn’t new as well. It’s something that he took three years ago on their last anniversary together. The younger man is laying on what used to be the garden from their old house, wearing a purple sweater and curls falling over his face, one hand hiding his wide smile. Louis can hear his giggle vividly like it happened just yesterday.

His fingers tremble as he reaches for the green sign on the screen and takes his phone to his ear.  
“Lou.” The husky voice on the other side of the line calls him and it’s just enough for Louis to break down. The tears stream down his cheek burning their ways down. “Oh, Louis.” 

Louis hiccups from how much he’s crying. He can’t really believe that this moment is happening. Can’t believe that all it took for it to happen was a little courage and singing about his heart. He uses the sleeves of the purple sweater he is wearing (the same from the picture) to wipe his eyes, but nothing seems to make him stop crying.

The man doesn’t press him into answering, doesn’t rush him into saying anything or even stopping the crying. All Louis hears is the sound of his own gasps and the person’s heavy breathing. And, God, had he missed that sound.

It takes him a few more minutes to recompose himself. Louis sits on the bed with his back leaning on the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. He takes a deep breath and lets out in a sweet, sweet voice only he gets to hear “Haz”.

“Louis.” Harry finally speaks again, his voice sounding a little less husky and, for a moment, Louis could swear there was a little wetness in his voice. 

“Hazza, I’m so sorry.” Louis whispers, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste blood. “I’m so sorry it took me so long.”

If Louis was watching Harry, he would see the smile forming on the corners of Harry’s lips, a smile Harry hasn’t given for years. “You took your time.” He tells him. And, of course, Harry is always so understanding, Louis so doesn’t deserve him. 

“I don’t deserve you.” He says it out loud. “I took too long, Harry.”

“It’s okay.” Harry interrupts him, sounding sweeter. Always so sweet.

“It’s not, Haz.” Louis shakes his head, feeling his heart break inside his chest. “I lost you- how is that okay? If I was brave enough before I wouldn’t have lost you- I wouldn’t have-“

“I’m here now, Lou.” The younger man points out, like he’s reminding him this call is happening, their talk is happening.

Louis quiets down. The world is spinning around him and he feels like he might even faint. And he hasn’t even had one drink. Louis wants to scream at him, tell him that things aren’t fine because he broke him, he left him, he wasn’t brave enough to stand up for them and stay with him. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t scream at him because first of all Harry doesn’t deserve it, second of all Louis has no strength for it and third of all: Louis doesn’t want to fuck this up again.

“I heard your songs.” Harry breaks the silence. “I saw the videos… You were really brave, Lou, you’re so brave. I’m so proud of you.”

And, of course, Louis breaks down again. It must sound stupid, but this last phrase was the only thing he’s ever wanted to hear from Harry and he never did. At least not in this way. He wipes his eyes again, biting his lip when he uses the sleeves of the sweater again and doesn’t smell a single particle of Harry on it.

“Lou, I’m so proud of you.” He repeats, like he knows it’s just what Louis wants to hear. Just what he needs to hear. He always knows what Louis wants and needs, but sometimes it just doesn’t depend on him to make things happen.

Like how Louis’ always wanted freedom and Harry said he’d come out for them. But Louis said he wouldn’t. It just didn’t depend on Harry alone, sometimes.

“I’m so sorry.” Louis repeats again like it’s a mantra. Like it’s all he’s ever wanted to say but never had enough courage too. Just like his lyrics said. “I should have done it before, H, but I was so, so scared and now I see it was stupid, so stupid. But at the time I just really thought it was something really big. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Harry.”

Harry curves the corners of his lips in a tiny smile. “But it is big, Lou. Coming out isn’t something small even if you don’t say it literally. Coming out is something that can happen in short lyrics, like you did, but it doesn’t make it any easier. And that’s just why I’m so proud of you.” He tells him, taking a deep breath. “I’m proud of you for letting it all out, the ‘he’ instead of ‘she’, the moments that we lived, good or bad, the lyrics you wrote for me- and, God, Louis, they’re beautiful.”

Louis can’t help but let a smile form on his lips. “Haz.” He whispers like he’s too shy to hear about his own lyrics. He’s always been shy about what he wrote, always been insecure about wether they’re good or not. 

“No, Lou, listen to me.” Harry shakes his head. “I cried listening to them, Louis. I cried watching you perform because not only were the lyrics beautiful and real, but because you haven’t looked his free in years.”

And Louis wants to cry even more because what he is saying is true. He hasn’t felt this free since they started dating and management began to interfere in their relationship, their public appearances and how they interacted even on stage. For a second, he thinks about all the things that happened on the concert on the night before and then he realizes how big it really was. 

“Haz, it felt so good.” He whispers under his breath, his mind still spinning and replaying the memories. “It was like the first time. So amazing.”

“I know, Lou.” Harry smiles to himself. “And Lou.”

“Hm?” Louis asks, taken out of his trance. “Yeah?”

The younger man takes a few moments to speak, but when he does, its’s all Louis’ ever wanted to hear after they broke up two years ago. “I forgive you.”

And, finally, after all this time of feeling a huge heavy weight on his shoulders, a pain inside his heart whenever Harry’s name was mentioned and the urge to cry whenever one of their memories came back flooding his mind, he felt relieved.

Once again, the call was quiet. Louis felt like he had so much to say, but those words were enough to leave him speechless. He never thought he would ever hear those words after what he put Harry through.

“Don’t overthink, Lou.” The voice calls him out of his trance again. “Don’t get too deep in your thoughts.”

However, Louis can’t. He can’t understand why he would forgive him so easily after he gave up on them, after he chose to leave him behind, after what he said to him. Louis feels like it should be harder. He feels so bad that Harry is so forgiving, so amazing.

“Why?” Is all Louis is able to let out and even though his heart begs him to stay quiet because what if Harry changes his mind, his own mind screams at him that he doesn’t deserve his forgiveness so easily.

“Have you ever stopped and thought about yourself, Lou?” Harry asks him and Louis furrows his eyebrows, confused. When the older man stays quiet, he continues. “Exactly, Louis, you never thought about how much you suffered through your choices. You were the one who had to go through a never ending stunt, you were the one who went through everything just so I wouldn’t have to. Have you ever thought about that?”

“I-“ Louis tries to find words, but there are none.

“You went through so much, Lou, and it’s not your fault that you were scared to just throw it all in the air and do what I was asking you to.” Harry gulps, feeling his eyes begin to burn in the edge of crying. “What upset me was that you left me, the only person who would give everything to see you smile and who always supported you through it all. What upset me was that you never told me what you were feeling and, God, Louis, everyone saw how much you were hurting, but you never did. You always thought about how I would feel but even when you broke it off with me, you did it for me, not for you.”

“What?” Louis whispers, feeling a lump forming inside his throat.

“It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to come out and I know it was too much to take in and you felt like you couldn’t do it anymore and that’s why you broke it off with me. You didn’t break it off with me because you didn’t love me anymore like you said it, you broke it off with me because you thought you’d never be able to give me what I wanted when all I actually wanted was you, you just never gave me the chance to say it.” Harry breathes hard, finally realizing the wetness on his cheeks. “You left me because you thought I wanted you to tell the world you were with me. You did it because you loved me, not because you didn’t love me anymore. And now I get it, Lou.”

“Harry, I-“ Louis tried to interrupt him, but Harry wouldn’t let him.

“You said you didn’t love me anymore so I wouldn’t insist on us because if you just said you weren’t ready, I would be fine with it, give you some more time. But deep inside you thought things weren’t really fine and would never be because you could never give me what I wanted. You wanted me to move on and find someone who did.” Harry whispers, out of breath, like he was just putting the pieces together, like it all made sense now.

“I just wanted you to be happy, Haz.” Louis lets out, feeling his head hurt from all the truth being revealed. 

“You hid so many of your feelings, Lou.” He tells him. “I don’t want this anymore, I want you to be honest with me, tell me how you’re feeling, even if it hurts me.”

“Right now?” Louis licks his lips. “Honestly?”

“Tell me, I want to know.” Harry insists.

“I feel free.” He whispers, letting out a long breath he felt like he was holding for years. “I feel like if you were here I’d hug the shit out of you.” 

They both let out a small laugh. “I want to hug you since you left our home, Lou.” Harry tells him, smiling sadly. “I wish I never let you break it off with me without a very decent explanation.”

Louis giggles. “I feel like we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I you didn’t let me go.” He nods to himself. “And I feel like all we ever needed was this conversation.”

“Two years were so long, Lou.” The younger man points out, running his fingers through his short hair.  
“Long enough for you to meet someone else?” Louis asks quietly. He tries to sound playful, but they both know he’s scared shitless of the answer.

“Long enough to realize no one could ever replace you.” Harry tells him.


End file.
